I’m no stranger to stress. Stress is like an evil presence who threatens to take over your mind…your nerves…your strength and your resolve. Stress is a relentless bitch that nags and pulls and aggravates. She can be pushed and shoved away but she always finds a way of returning and wreaking havoc on your body and your mind.
Stress and I were in an on and off relationship for well over a decade. Our volatile liaison caused scars which can never fully be healed. Stress had me. But I found a way out. Or at least I thought I had.
My history with stress was purely mental and emotional. Once stress and I parted ways I assumed I would never have to look at her ugly face again. I didn’t know she would return and move our relationship to the physical side.
Stress in my life has taken on a new look. I can’t easily tuck her away when I find I’m being effected by her relentless attacks. She now likes to show herself. She moves through my body like a cold chill you can’t shudder away. She curls my fingers and my toes. She jerks my neck and my spine. She steals my sleep and drains my body. She relentlessly shakes my hand. She tightens her grasp on my shoulder, hip, ankle and neck. She creeps into my skull and makes tension ride throughout my head. She comes and she goes, but she always come back for more. Her visits can be aggravating, exhausting and painful.
I’m trying to deal with her the only way I know how. I’m trying to be stronger than her. I’m trying to breath her out; swim her out; rest her out; drug her out. I know that when I let her in she has her way with me. My body is no longer in a place where I can easily fight her off.
For now I can attempt to take charge. I can make her MY bitch and fight to not let her take over. Because I know that when I do I feel defeated. And once defeat sets in I may as well quit. But my parents didn’t raise me to quit. They raised me to always take the next step and move forward. I may have a disease who’s biggest enemy is stress but that doesn’t mean I have to lay down and take it.